Yesterday, we laid my dad’s ashes to rest. It wasn’t as hard as the funeral was, but wasn’t any easier.
Once again, I felt like the odd one out of everyone, because I was able to smile and tell everyone “It gets better from here.” I don’t think anyone believed me, even though it’s the truth.
It really will get better from here.
I had the honor of carrying his blue urn from the funeral home to the cemetery, and placing it in the grave. I don’t think anyone else wanted to do it, and I oddly wanted to. It was something similar to being able hold his hand as he passed away.
I made sure to bring a copy of the magazine Alex & Grace are in this month…the photos & article that was going to be a surprise to him. He’s seen the photos though, I made sure to show him in the hospital before he started on morphine and was physically incoherent.
Now, there’s a copy of the magazine, opened to the picture of my kids, sealed up with his ashes.
Some may think that’s strange, but I’m beyond caring what others think. Long ago I learned to do things MY WAY, and that’s how I’ll continue doing them.
After the interment, we went to his favorite place, Vincent’s, to have lunch and toast to him. I’ll admit, it was different being there without him, but it felt good knowing that was his place.
After lunch, my stepmom gave me the 2 things my dad wanted me to have…his wristwatches. One is the one he wore most recently, and the other is one he’s had for as far back as anyone could remember…his most priced possession.
I spent a good portion of last night just staring at those watches. The more I held them and looked at them, the more I started to miss him more. I finally had to step away and go for a drive.
To be honest, that’s the closest I’ve felt to getting upset since the funeral. Part of why I wasn’t ready to take the watches the night before the funeral was because I knew it would be so sentimental for me, and I thought I was ready for that yesterday.
I was ready, wasn’t I?